I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
