I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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