Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
