im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
