Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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