I cannot find my penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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