Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
