his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
