Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
