Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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