I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
