Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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