I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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