She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My vagina just recognized that song.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
