we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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