Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
