i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
