i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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