just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
