just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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