So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
