are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
