I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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