Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
