Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this boner is exhausting
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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