He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize