im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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