So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
