U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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