shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
