love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
