I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
