I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My balls are so social today.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
