hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
