Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
