We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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