Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I want is dick and wine.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
