I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
