last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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