I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
