The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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