I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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