Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well I just put wine in my tea
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize