I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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