i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
