We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
