whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
