sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
