needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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