Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Who died my cat blue again?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
