living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
