Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
