your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
