Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
