i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
