I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
