My first STD was from a foam party
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
