I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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