I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
