if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
