i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
