Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
