I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
