dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
