fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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