I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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