Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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