Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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