I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
