i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
