I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Operation Purity has been aborted
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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