don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
