I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
