Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize